I, Frankenstein… the Underworld clone?

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So recently, I managed to watch I, Frankenstein. It is probably the most Underworld movie I’ve seen in a while. Even though it maybe like Underworld’s movies, it’s not done by Len Wiseman or his Wife, Kate Beckinsale. It is almost a clone of the first movie, in the sense that we have 2 opposing forces that are “Hidden” from the human world, battling it out in an ancient and secret war.

Kind of sounds familiar, right? Well how about something that isn’t like either side, but isn’t human. Still sounding the same to you? Now picture Bill Nighy as the leader of one side, that isn’t quite the good guy. Now picture the featured werewolf from Underworld, the one from the trailer, yes that one. Picture him as Nighy’s number 1 henchman.

Still sounding familiar to Underworld? I kid you not, this is such an underworld clone, its silly. Frankenstein’s monster being a gift to humanity from Dr. Frankenstein as the monster possesses the ability to not die of old age, basically live forever.

Now instead of the Werewolves using his blood to make them immune to the effects of silver, there’s a book that Nighy needs to make an army that can’t be killed. Ok, seems logical. As he’s a demon Prince, working to make more indestructible vessels for his kin. The Gargoyle order is led by 2 people, Gideon; the general of the order, played by Jai Courtney from Jack Reacher and A Good Day To Die Hard.

The other is Leonore; the pseudo-queen of the order and albino Gargoyle, that doesn’t fight in the movie (Seriously, she is just there to talk and take up screen time). She is played by Miranda Otto of the Lord Of The Rings The Two Towers and Return Of The King. Seeing her in this movie makes me think “Where’d all your money go from LOTR, that you have to star in an Underworld clone?”

As Sarah Lewis of the Cinema Snob crew put it “It’s a beef cake movie.” We get to see Aaron Eckhart and a bunch of burly men brawl on-screen for an hour and a half. With a half-assed plot put together. You know what the sad thing is with this entire venture? It’s based on a graphic novel! I get that it could be an accurate representation of the comic, but if it isn’t I am still calling it an Underworld Clone. Whether that was intentional or not is another story.

There are too many similarities to Underworld, especially with a good chunk of cast members from the first movie and only 1 of them was a well-known and respected actor. The other two or three were side characters, we didn’t give a sh** about.

Not to mention the hypocritical argument of the movie. “You fought a demon in front of humans. We fight in the darkness.” Ok, let’s analyze this for a moment. Adam (Frankenstein’s monster), fights 1 demon, in an alleyway at night. Only 1 human was present, and it was a cop doing his job, and not being a complete idiot.

The funny part is coming, a few minutes after the lecture to Adam, the gargoyles go out and have a brutal battle involving numerous demons and gargoyles, in the street, outside of their giant church, with people’s apartments all around. Being loud, roaring and big spectacles of light and fire in the streets. So wait, you fight them in darkness, except when the Demons unleash a giant horde on you. What the F*** lady?

That argument bugged me, the logic just escaped me when it happened. I found the movie had decent action, and it’ll probably appeal to people who enjoy gothic art styles and those that enjoy beefcake on-screen. It’s kind of sad that the best acting in the movie is done by Aaron Eckhart, he put more effort into this movie, than everyone else. He didn’t need to, which is kind of odd.

I’m sorry this turned into a rant, but the movie so much a clone. That would’ve made more money when the 3 Underworld movies were being made, than now. Or they could’ve titled it Underworld 4: Frankenstein. No one would’ve cared, it would’ve been just as believable that way.

With that, I’ll sign off, and work on some video editing. Have a good one.

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Comparison – Total Recall old and new

Ok, so finally here is the Total Recall review, I warn you now, this will contain spoilers, so if you don’t want any, watch the movie first.

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I decided to make this a comparison, because I watched a review from Doug Walker as The Nostalgia Critic and That SciFi Guy (Leo Thompson). As such, I’m going to illustrate why the original with Schwarzenegger is a much better piece of writing, compared to the new one. I don’t like doing that, but I feel because simply the review of the new one would be kind of considered snobbish, without context of relating it to its predecessor, as some people have not watched the old one. The problems with the old one, are that it has tropes, like many of Arnold’s movies, but its one of the few gems that not only has a fantastic story adapted from Phillip K. Dick’s story “We can remember it for you, wholesale”, but that it’s still a great movie to watch and be entertained.

Being that I enjoy most of Arnold’s movies, I might have a slight skew on this, but its negligible compared to the issues the new movie has. While they removed the tropes that made the old movie cliché in ways, they didn’t give enough depth to specific scenes and characters to let the story develop. They focused on making bigger and better scenes in the movie, and letting the writing slip. This is because, the movie suffers from opposing ideas of 2 different screenwriters. Sometimes this can happen within a movie, where the movie seems like its bi-polar. We start to tread down the path of explanation and exposition, then boom we get whipped back into the other direction to have more action scenes to move the pace along.

This becomes a problem, where there is one pivotal moment in the story, that both movies have. Quaid is presented with the mental conundrum that what he is seeing and doing may not be reality as he knows it. Both times he went to Recall (Rekall in the new one), to have the super spy treatment on Mars. Where things differ between movies is that in Arnold’s movie, we’re actually on Mars and he is being shot at like he’s a super spy, and is having an adventure as per what he paid for at Recall.

So everything is believable including the point in the movie where they have someone try to use psychology to trick Quaid into surrendering. In the old movie, Quaid is able to see through this ploy because if it were merely an illusion and it were in his head, why would the image of someone important, like a doctor with confidence be showing fear in his eyes and sweating visibly? So Quaid rejects the false pretence given to him and kills the man.

In the new one, we have Quaid’s friend being in this role, and its all wasted because Colin Farrell overacts and the friend shows so much confidence and no subtle hint that he’s lying, that we don’t truly know why Quaid rejects his friend’s claims. He just rejects it because that’s what he’s supposed to do, to move the plot along. It’s the problem with remakes, they want to retell the same story, but they miss the point of the way the old movie is written. Similar to how Dick himself wrote in other stories, to give the reader a subtle hint as where the story is heading, and those able to pick up on it, can see WHY people do things.

With that major point being out-of-the-way, I’m going to move on to acting. I find everyone in the movie does an excellent job with what they are given, with a few exceptions. I really don’t like Colin Farrell as Douglas Quaid in this movie, I can see why they put him in this role, but when his other self is played by Ethan Hawke; a much better character actor, it makes me want this movie to star him in the leading role. Jessica Biel does a great job for someone whom isn’t totally an action star, granted she did have an action role in Blade Trinity. She did fine with the role she was given, she didn’t really make it her own and roll with it, like in Blade 3, but she didn’t phone it in.

Now we come to the role of Doug’s fake wife in the movie, Lori. Played by the Director’s wife, Kate Beckinsale, I enjoy the character in this movie, I don’t know why they let her keep her accent in the movie, but I guess it’s because she sometimes has trouble with others. Lori to me is better portrayed in Arnold’s Recall, because who wouldn’t want to wake up next to a hot and young Sharon Stone in the morning. Putting that thought aside for a moment, the new version of Lori is fantastic, mainly because she is a combination of 2 characters from the old movie. In the old one we had Michael Ironside as the lead pursuer after Quaid as Richter, the overzealous bad ass. In the new one, Lori is the lead pursuer in charge of taking down Quaid.

They probably changed it because in the old one, Richter had a lackey that was just there, and didn’t really need to be. As such we get someone who’s just as good in the action scenes. I don’t want to bring about a bigger spoiler involving Beckinsale’s Lori that shows up later, I’d rather you find out that yourself. As its one of the few good scenes in the movie. Now onto Cohaagen, this character does go through a change, but it’s a good one. Both Ronny Cox and Bryan Cranston are awesome actors to have as villains, as such in the new movie, Cohaagen has even more moxy compared to Cox’s version. Every movie I see with Cranston, I tend to enjoy, especially if he’s in a major role. I really liked him as the villain in this one.

The only nitpick I have to say about Ronny Cox’s version of Cohaagen, is something that tended to happen to Ronny throughout the years in movies and TV shows… Is that he tends to play the same basic character for every villain and some semi-good characters. So he is a bit typecast in his villains. One of the exceptions is the Beverly Hills Cop movies. Which is for a different type of blog entry. Now with the Leader of the resistance, as this is a revolution sort of story; is played by Bill Nighy, who does a good job, but his character is cut very short in this movie. Even more so than in the old one.

In terms of premise of story basis, both movies are a revolutionary tale, as such the old movie does this better, in that it’s a corporation wanting to cash in on Mars inhabitants needing air. Where as this one is a dystopian plot involving a calamity which makes land valuable with the government, all on earth. Which brings me to 2 major plot devices in this movie, one of which is a glaring plothole the size of… oh I don’t know, say the planet!

This is brought up in other people’s reviews, one of which is Noah Antwiler’s, where there is a giant Elevator through the planet, going right through the Earth’s mantle and core. This isn’t explained in any way, it’s just there, and used as a big plot device later in the movie. The other plot device is related to Doug’s job. In the old one, he was a construction worker so it was short and simple. This one, he’s a technician helping to assemble and inspect robots, that later are found to be an army made for the government (Way to recycle I, Robot’s plot there, guys).

Special Effects: What can I say, it’s basically what I wanted from the trailer that they showed, and since it was Len Wiseman, we had his usual moving camera and stylized vision.

Noteworthy items: In the movies, the company Recall is portrayed differently. In the old one, it’s a very clean, and professional company. In the new one, it’s a black market dealer, played by John Cho, who (to me) does a better sales pitch than the old movie’s sales guy. In the old movie, we had the seedy bar featuring the 3 boob hooker. This one also has said woman, played by a new person this time, and instead of a bar, its outside Rekall, haha. It’s a blatant throwback, but at least its good fan service.

Final Thoughts on the new one: The movie isn’t bad, mostly. It just needed a rewrite by a third screen writer, so he could blend the ideas of both previous screenwriters and give us more depth and exposition where it really needed it. I consider it a good re-hash of the same ideas and elements of the old movie without the tropes and with really nice special effects. Also a couple of twists that weren’t in the old one.